Flawed

Ok, so as most of you know, I work a job, and have a crappy schedule. I took this schedule because the bills were piling up, times were getting dangerously rough, and desperate times called for a desperate measure. Seeing an opportunity to take some of the burden of solving the problem upon myself. It was my idea.

So here we are, months later, out of debt. If I had a day schedule, Lucas would be back in daycare, and this would be an added expense on the pocketbook. Right now it feels like we could handle it, honestly. We’ve been making purchases and eating out a lot. There’s lots of cash flow now.

There’s a lot of pressure on me to get a better schedule, one way or another. Frankly, I’d rather sit on my ass at home all day, but the paltry sum I bring home every so often actually justifies the pain and aggrivation of going to work. And when I kick ass, I like it. When it kicks my ass, I don’t like it.

I get criticized about my job by my friends and family, a lot. Mostly because of the schedule, and also because people think I could do a lot better. It happens so often that I’m pretty much pissed off.

I know I told Sukie that I’d look for a new job, and I sent a few resumes out, got one interview, and I couldn’t fricking make it to the goddamn interview, which by the way, was for a pretty shitty schedule and even less pay than I’m making right now.

Goddamn if the job prospects don’t look enticing. Since the last time I went job-hunting, 4 years ago, I’ve gained skills and (almost) a goddamn associates degree. I should be able to see something out there, but there’s nothing that suits my fancy.

I’m discouraged.

I’m upset.

And no, I don’t want to talk about it.

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